Here at Optimuscrime, we take your privacy to heart.

When you visit our site, we do record a lil’ snapshot of information about you. This snapshot includes your IP address, domain name, referring link, browser type, operating system and screen resolution. This information is used to determine our overall traffic levels and ensure that our pages will display correctly for all readers. From time to time, we’ll tell advertisers and others about our overall traffic levels — in terms of unique visitors per month, total hits, and so on. If you came here by a search engine, we’ll also know what search terms you used to reach us. Yeah, we’re onto you, Mr. I-Google- For-Naked-Pictures- of-Scarlett-Johansson- and-End-Up-on-Optimuscrime.

But here’s where the respect for your privacy bit kicks in. We review these stats weekly, but we never sell, share, trade, auction, barter, publish, shout out loud, donate, bequeath, or otherwise disseminate your information. We promise. Boy Scouts’ Honour. And we never gather any personally identifiable information. Our ads and our hit counter both serve up cookies to help log your visit, but they’re only used for getting aggregate stats and occasionally giggling over the search terms used to reach us.

If you do send us personally-identifiable information — say, an email with juicy gossip — we won’t share it with anyone. We’ll never send you a mass mail without your specific permission. And we certainly won’t sell, share, trade.. well, we basically won’t give it to anyone else under any conditions. Because we don’t want you getting spam offering a G1AnT W.ANG. We’re sure your wang is perfectly giant as is. If ever we email you and you don’t want to hear from us, just write back asking to opt out. We’ll honour that request immediately and you’ll never hear from us again.

We don’t control the privacy policies of any of our advertisers, but we pretty carefully screen them to make sure that they’re not slimy. Careful when clicking on external links. Our privacy policy only goes to the edges of our site. Beyond our borders lie dragons.

Kids: Seriously, this site is not for you. We’re prone to swearing and putting links to half-naked celebrity pictures. Ask your parents before viewing Optimuscrime.

If we need to change this privacy policy at any time, we’ll let you know with a big splashy blogpost announcement. And you can always come back to this page to check that everything’s still the same.