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We ordered some pizza to eat while watching the debate. Unfortunately, taking liveblogging notes and eating greasy slices are not compatable activities. So, our account of the debate begins three quarters of an hour into the program. We trust that this will not be too great an inconvenience. We can't imagine that anyone is relying on our precis to form their voting intentions. (And if so, we weep for the state of our democracy.) Fashion notes: Did Paul and Jack call each other before picking out their outfits? Same black suit and crimson tie. Jack's tie is a little on the skinny side. Gilles looks washed out by the faint blues of his tie and shirt. And why do the party hacks not screen-test their boss' ties? Last election, it was Gilles' and Paul's ties which oscillated with an eye-swimming moire effect; this time, it was Stephen's. 8:45 What should happen when MPs cross the floor? Pauly resists the impulse to respond, "we do a little happy dance and appoint them to a ministership". Peter Mackay, presumably, wipes away a tear while watching. 8:49 "Well," Pauly explains to a disgruntled voter, "when politicians break their promises, they ought to be punished by the electorate." Messrs. Layton, Duceppe and Harper lick their lips like ravenous wolves. 8:50 Why shouldn't Canadians vote for the Liberals? Why, explains Jack, because Bono is disillusioned with PM Martin, of course. Canadians wait eagerly for news from Dublin: Whom shall we vote for, your Bononess? 8:53 Jack Layton is required by an obscure clause of the Elections Act to add "I recommend that you send more New Democrats to Parliament" after every single thing he says. 8:54 The Bloc will vote for anything, Gilles enthuses. So far, they've voted along with the Libs, 'Dips and Tories on 80% of the legislation put in front of them. This is an interesting record to brag about: "We're the unoppositionyest opposition you'll ever see! Give us a bill, and we'll vote for it!" 8:57 The New Democrats, party of equality, want more women in Parliament. Why? Because, Jack explains, the House would have so much more decorum if the womenfolk were there to keep the rowdy 'ol boys in line. Congratulations, Jack, for making progressive politics feel like a 1950s home economics lecture. 8:58 Paul wholeheartedly agrees. Women'll keep Parliament nice and civil. Somebody please send Hedy Fry the memo. 9:06 Stephen Harper claims decent from New Brunswickers. 9:07 Jack Layton is also descended from Atlantic Canadians. 9:08 "My colleagues seem to be related to everybody," Martin notes wryly. He can be wry? Who knew? 9:10 Gilles utterly wrecks Pauly on the fisheries. Homie should really consider running some candidates in Nova Scotia. Run hard on the fisheries, and they'll forgive you for wanting to tear the country asunder. 9:13 Some throwaway point by Layton on the export of water under NAFTA sparks a rowdy debate among the residents of Chateau Bagot over the IJC and the international trade law involved. Great boredom ensues. 9:16 Boom! Layton hammers Martin hard on the hypocrisy of lecturing Americans on the environment when Canada's environmental policy has lost its teeth under the Liberals. He's tough, articulate and persuasive when he wants to be. A repeat of this showing throughout January would be good news for our beloved 'Dippers. 9:18 Oh, but Jack, this makes a half-dozen times that you've had your mic turned off. Will you please stick to your time limit? Did the nice moderator not explain how it works? 9:19 "I'd never send troops to Iraq," Martin lies, conveniently revising the position he shared a year ago with Wolf Blitzer on CNN (ie 'we'd love to, we just don't have the troops available') 9:23 What about some GST rebates to citizens who already don't pay income taxes? We initially hoped that Jack would trot out the no-GST-on-essentials promise, but his answer was persuasively delivered: People under the poverty line need real income security, not pennies here and there in sales-tax rebates. 9:24 Layton's mic gets cut. Again. 9:30 Harper trots out Charest as one of their own -- "a former Conservative leader," he gushes. Trotting out an association with a universally-despised provincial leader to bolster your fortunes in Quebec? Uh, good plan. 9:33 "He's a good looking man," Optimuscrime Kingston says of Mr. Harper. Stevie? With his hockey helmet hair? Whaaat? "I dunno, he kind of looks like you without the beard," she explains. We're insulted. All females in the room agree that Mackay is the real dish. 9:36 Holy moley. Martin's been practicing in front of a federalist focus group. He's on a tear. "You can't rip apart my country with tricks, with vague questions," he rages, never breaking his ferocious stare-down of Mr. Duceppe. Holy hell. We hate the guy, and even we're buying this. Scott Reid, you done good, kid. 9:39 Will Martin apologize for the sponsorship scandal, Jack demands, though not nearly assertively enough. Again, glimmers of the leader we want to see. 9:39 "You have a problem? Go see Judge Gomery, not me," Martin barks, all his usual hubris and arrogance evident. Good god, he's exposing his throat. Somebody lunge for it. Please! Please? No takers, inexplicably. 9:45 "The west wants in, and Quebec wants out," Gilles says. Was it the Rhino party who suggested moving alienated Westerners to Quebec to be doted on by Ottawa and disillusioned Quebeckers to BC where they could be ignored by la fédérale? 9:47 Layton. When the mic turns off, shut up. Please. This is the last time we'll tell you. 9:47 ... But at least this time, Martin's joining the muzzled-by-the-dead-mic club. 9:48 "Harper's hair is beautiful," OCK comments. "Look at that part. It's perfect!" We're a little concerned about her love for the Trump hair. 9:49 Last night, they were asked for a 30-year vision. Tonight, a 50 year vision. Next debate, they'll be visualizing the Martian colonies and flying cars of 2105. Martin's vision is a pretty hollow impersonation of Trudeau, full of the usual mythologizing of Canada's global role. 9:51 Jack Layton starts to talk about the "tail end" of seniors' lifespans, then realizing the morbidity of his description, changes course, and describes "the wonderful years after working." Message to seniors: We'll take care of you as you trot towards the inevitable. 9:52 Gilles namedrops Bill Clinton. We're not entirely sure we can see Bill with a patriotes flag cheerleading Quebec statehood. 9:54 The real risk of Quebec separation, Stephen Harper argues, is a weakened Canadian national hockey team. Way to zero in on the critical issue, Stevie. And besides, the way Jose Theodore is playing this season, Team Quebec can keep him. 9:55 LAYTON WE ARE NOT KIDDING YOU STICK TO YOUR TIME 9:56 "You will vote with a pencil", Paulie explains in an insightful analysis of the voting process. Note to speechwriters: You should probably add "for me" after "you should vote". 9:58 Everyone celebrating Kwaanza can kiss Jack's ass. He's wishing you a Merry Christmas, and that's all.