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[ 8/24/2005 ]

7:12:00 PM
Queen's: Home To Stupid Perps and Stupider Vics  
Queen's University Security has a wonderful page called 'Incidents of Interest' -- a play-by-play listing of all the crimes on our tony limestone campus. Of course, we're used to the usual laughs at stupid thieves, like this one:
"The staff member entered an office to find [an] unknown male looking out the window beisde a recently delivered Dell computer... when questioned, the individual stated he was there looking for his friend Dell, who supposedly worked in the building."
It reminds me of Dave Foley in The Wrong Guy: "My name is Jones... (looking around frantically) ... Enemabag Jones." But, of course, it's not only the sketchy would-be thieves that lack in mental horsepower, but the victims as well. The first time we glanced over this Incident of Interest, we were concerned about leaving our bike locked up outside of work. But then we took a closer read:
"An individual attended the Security Office to report she'd locked her bicycle to the Goodes Hall bike racks two weeks earlier and returned today to discover it'd been stolen. It is a new 18" frame black Norco bike with silver detailing and 18" wheels."
Did you catch that? "Locked her bicycle... two weeks earlier." Yep -- the victim left a brand new bike parked on campus for half a month without checking on it. We're glad that the students Queen's is training to be 'citizens and leaders in a global society' are blessed with such a preponderance of common sense.
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